They say that time heals everything. I would have to disagree. Some things heal with time, such as a cut or a broken bone, and others leave scars that last a lifetime like a skinned knee from that summer when you were seven years old.
I don’t think grief goes away with time, you just learn to live with it. As time goes by you get better and better at the aftermath. I cannot say that at this moment I feel the same way I did 10 months ago. The depth of the pain is still there but it is something I am now accustomed to.
So no, time does not heal everything, but they do say practice makes perfect. Every day is another chance to practice living life, another chance to learn how to live after loss.
-JT
Beautiful. It’s so true — time can make it less…raw. Less all-consuming. But that grief is always there, and it has changed something inside of us. I like the idea of taking each day as a way to practice living with loss, to tip the balance a little more and forgive ourselves for the days where it all feels raw again. Sending you love!
Thank you. some days the grief feels less raw and others it doesn’t.
I think the intent to practice living each day is a brave, beautiful one. I wish I’d seen life through that lens right after my losses. Time does seem to dampen the volume of the pain, but you’re wise to practice living to really move forward.
Thank you. It is not an easy lens to look through. Some days are harder than others. Some days I don’t even know if I’ll make it.
The trouble is, we (meaning pretty much everyone) assume that “healed” means never feeling pain again for that particular loss/wound. And if that’s the case, you’re right. But to me, I like to redefine “healing.” I think it means being able to move into the future, and to be able to think of our losses without reliving them, and remembering with love and self-compassion, rather than only pain.
As you say, we still have scars, and sometimes we still have pain too, even if we think we are healed. So personally, I do think time heals. Perhaps I’m just converting the saying to suit my own beliefs. I do know though that time definitely helps. And I’d never thought of describing that healing process as practice, but that’s exactly what happens. So I really thank you for that. You’ve given words to help explain my own experience.
You’re right, oftentimes we think of healed as never feeling pain again. Even now I can look back and not feel the same intensity of pain but the pain still exists, I have simply learned to manage it better.