The past three weeks have been a complete whirlwind! I work in a school district and the beginning of the new school year is always intense. Even in the midst of the whirlwind that was work, my emotions and time were at a standstill. As if I could hit the play and pause button anytime I wanted to. The fact that it has been a year since the most tragic days of my life is surreal. There were moments where I didn’t think I’d make it. Days where I would pray for death.
At first, I couldn’t see anything past the moment, then it became hours and eventually days or weeks. I was recently asked to describe a picture of what that time was like, I had no other words but darkness. I look back and things were a complete haze. The months after were just as rough, but then I learned to cope with my new reality.
I still can’t believe it has been a year since I delivered my beautiful baby boy and a year since he passed away.
When I look back at the dark months it feels like I am watching a movie, like a slow-motion scene of destruction, like I am watching my life unfold through someone else’s eyes. It’s weird. I guess what I am trying to say is that this past year has been one of the most difficult years thus far, I truly did not believe I would make it. Nevertheless, I’ve made it, and that means something.
It really does mean something. It means you’re strong, it means you have loved, and it also means it will – in time – get easier. I’m sorry you’ve had to work so intensely through this time. I hope you remember to be kind to yourself in the midst of all this work stress and such painful memories.
Thank you, oftentimes being kind to ourselves is the last thing we think about.
First off, hugs to you. Hugs and love for not just making it, but being functional too.
Secondly, making it through the first year, and especially making it through that first anniversary is huge. I hope you can take some comfort or pride in the strength you’ve shown for yourself and for your beautiful boy. Each day you make it, you honor him.
Your kind words mean so much! Not many people understand how hard it is to be functional in the midst of all this!
It’s amazing how we can look back at such a dark time and marvel that we made it. Without understanding how that was even possible.
Yes it means something. It means everything.
YES!!!!
Sending you so much love, and celebrating your resilience and your ability to survive the unimaginable.
Thank you!