I LOVE celebrations, absolutely love them. I love to celebrate people and their milestones, holidays, anniversary, and just because. My ultimate person to celebrate is my husband, I absolutely adore showing him how much he means to me on a regular basis and special occasions.

Whether it is Valentine’s Day, his birthday, our anniversary, Christmas or regular days in between, I love celebrating my one and only, which is part of the reason why Father’s Day is so hard for me. Mother’s Day is hard but I find that my emotions are harder to deal with on Father’s Day. It feels weird not knowing exactly how to celebrate his fatherhood. I imagine that once we have babies earth side, I will do this grand gesture in celebrating him so right now it feels a bit empty to do that.

I find it hard to celebrate, as if celebrating is entirely too uncomfortable for me to handle. How do you celebrate amid loss? How do you celebrate when what or who you once loved has been lost? One thing I can say is that it ain’t easy. Saying “happy Father’s Day” comes with a huge sting, with a feeling of drowning while you are trying to get the words out, it comes with sadness. Despite all that I celebrate because even though our children are in heaven, he is a great father. In our circumstance I don’t like the term “you will be a great dad/mom” because it negates the fact that we are already to kids you can’t see.

In order to celebrate I focus on the now. I focus on the fact that he truly is a wonderful father, caring, loving, forgiving, selfless. so, although celebrating may be hard, I won’t let that keep me from acknowledging my husband as the amazing father he is. In the midst of my emotional discomfort I will choose to highlight him in a day that I know it is not easy to be a grieving father.

Fathers are important too, in every aspect and every step. Fathers are important in the process of grieving, sometimes fathers can be forgotten but I see you.

Babe, as a father you inspire me. I am grateful for the children we have made, and I look forward to raising great kids with you. I love you more than words can say and more than I can express.

If today you are like me, finding it hard to celebrate on Father’s Day (because of infertility, pregnancy loss, the death of a loved one) I hope you take comfort in the good, in the memories that were built and the ones that are to come.

 

-JT

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