The past three weeks have been a complete whirlwind! I work in a school district and the beginning of the new school year is always intense. Even in the midst of the whirlwind that was work, my emotions and time were at a standstill. As if I could hit the play and pause button anytime I wanted to. The fact that it has been a year since the most tragic days of my life is surreal. There were moments where I didn’t think I’d make it. Days where I would pray for death.
At first, I couldn’t see anything past the moment, then it became hours and eventually days or weeks. I was recently asked to describe a picture of what that time was like, I had no other words but darkness. I look back and things were a complete haze. The months after were just as rough, but then I learned to cope with my new reality.
I still can’t believe it has been a year since I delivered my beautiful baby boy and a year since he passed away.
When I look back at the dark months it feels like I am watching a movie, like a slow-motion scene of destruction, like I am watching my life unfold through someone else’s eyes. It’s weird. I guess what I am trying to say is that this past year has been one of the most difficult years thus far, I truly did not believe I would make it. Nevertheless, I’ve made it, and that means something.