Today I miss you the most
I dreamt of snuggling you close and kissing your toes.
Today is filled with memories that never were and will never come
They say be patient, but they don’t know
My tears are not because I am tired of waiting for motherhood
My tears are because motherhood came and it’s different than theirs
My tears are not because I am impatient for that which is to come
My tears freely flow because you came and left leaving a disastrous storm
They say be patient but they don’t know
I grieve the death of my son. I grieve the death of my son
They say be patient but they don’t know
I am barren but not infertile
My tears have nothing to do with being patient
Anyways, today like most days I miss you the most
I miss what I think the sound of your cries and giggles would be
I miss you when I hold another baby wishing it was you instead
I miss you in the mornings when I’d be cuddling you in bed
I miss you and my heart and my soul they ache for you my son
Every day I’m learning what it means to live without you
But now I live in a world where two “me’s” exist, the “me” before you and the “me” after
The second one has forgotten what it means to live… every day I’m one step closer
But not today. Today I miss you the most
– JT