I decided to start blogging for many reasons, some of which I can’t even begin to articulate. But below I detailed a few reasons.

1. I decided that I needed to do this as a small way to honor the life of my son. As if in some way I could share the impact he had on my life by sharing my story.
2. As a place of support. Infertility, miscarriage, and loss can be such taboo topics that often times we stuff the pain down and therefore feel alone. I wanted to share my life and stories as a place where others can find hope and if nothing more at least where they can know they are not alone.
3. To document my journey. I don’t believe this is where my story ends, though there were some days that in the midst of my pain and desperation I prayed for death. I know that this has only been a few chapters out of a very long book. I want to be able to look back and see where I came from and what God has done in my life. I know that my story will continue and we will be blessed beyond what we can think of.
4. To help me cope. Because this is a taboo topic we don’t feel comfortable discussing our feelings even with our closest friends. Infertility and miscarriages throw us into deep pools of grief and confusion that we don’t know how to fully navigate. For me, writing helps me cope, it helps me put into words the complexity of my emotions.
5. I wasn’t able to find many blogs from people that are still currently struggling/dealing with loss and infertility. I found blogs that deal with this topic at length but they are a little older and I wanted a real-time blog.

“There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you” – Maya Angelou

– JT

Here you are and probably thinking, what’s the deal with this chick? So let me give you a quick backstory about our journey in trying to have kids. We got married in 2012 and before we said I Do, we had decided we wouldn’t try to have kids for at least 2 years that way we had time to enjoy ourselves before adding to our family. Fast-forward 3 years to 2015 and we had our first 2 miscarriages, then one in 2016, one in 2017 and most recently the loss of our son when I went into premature labor.

So when it comes to trying to conceive (TTC) we’ve had our share of pain. In this blog I will go into details about each of our losses and how I/we coped with each one of them. Hopefully you will find hope in our story.

– JT

This is a working document and I will be constantly updating this, if you notice that I have missed something please leave a comment or send me an e-mail.

TTC: Trying to Conceive

IVF: In Vitro Fertilization

IUI: Intra-uterine insemination

hCG: human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), a hormone produced by our bodies during pregnancy

Trigger Shot: an injection of synthetic hCG that is used to trigger or cause ovulation. (Typically self-administered)

Timed Intercourse: when you monitor your ovarian/ovulation cycle and have sex around the time of ovulation

TWW: Two Week Wait, typically the amount of time that you have to wait (after either IVF or IUI or Timed Intercourse) before testing for pregnancy

PCOS: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This name confuses a lot of us because it seems as if it is just an issue with ovaries but it is more in-depth than that. According to Mayo Clinic PCOS is a hormonal disorder that is common among women of reproductive age. Symptoms: irregular periods, facial hair (this affects my everyday life), hormonal imbalance (like we produce more male hormones than we should), and ovaries that might be bigger and contain little sacs of fluid. Weight gain around midsection and insulin resistance.

D&C: Dilation and Curettage is a process where they dilate your cervix and special instruments are inserted into your uterus to scrape the lining.

Cerclage: A procedure in which a stitch is used to form a loop or ring around the cervix, this helps the cervix remain closed.

Miscarriage: According to WebMD it is the loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks, medically known as a spontaneous abortion

Incompetent Cervix: According to the Mayo Clinic, an incompetent cervix, also called a cervical insufficiency, occurs when weak cervical tissue causes or contributes to premature birth or the loss of an otherwise healthy pregnancy

Transabdominal Cerclage (TAC): The University of Chicago defines it as follows:  In a transabdominal cerclage procedure, a gynecologic surgeon makes an incision in the lower abdomen near the bikini line. Through this transabdominal incision, the surgeon places a small, woven synthetic band high on the cervix. The band supports the cervix, preventing it from opening and losing the pregnancy.